Disney Movie

from House Cleaning Music by Divorce Cop

/

lyrics

My daughter’s in danger
I have information
Phonecalls and emails
Expert opinions
Fed from under the table
Folded in napkins
Unchewable porkchop
8x10 headshots
Guess I’ll end up in handcuffs
The mightiest martyr
Operators relaying
My felonious opera
She was last seen in lip gloss
Permanent eyelids
Daffodil dishrag
Between her bicuspids
I am sweating so often
The car isn’t startin’
I call up her captors
They’re too rude to answer
But my daughter’s in danger
The clerk’s never seen her
Receipt of our union
That torn-apart paper
Karaoke technician
Gave me clues I could sniff on
A bottle of vodka
Collection of clip-ons
All discarded and swept up
And stored here for safety
I saluted and hugged him
Handshaked and thanked him
I composed him a letter
Merging onto the highway
While cassettes said instructions
Techniques of disarmament
I am getting impatient
I am starting to swerve for
An exciting location
A warehouse abandoned
Oh, looks like they still use it
Oh, I guess we can’t shoot here
But we have all the permits
and Daughter is worth it
But this place just can’t handle
these Hollywood light kits
So it’s down to the basement
With a clueless young gaffer
Who just squints at the breaker
And chews his tobacco
Better keep those eyes open
And keep Diet Coking
Someone’s daughter is croakin’
Director says different
Cut to laughing apartment
Then cities demolished
By a force unrelated
In a film more expensive
With better computers
The ambulance hollers its “excuse me” to traffic
What’s the name of the doctor?
Was his phone ever numbered?
This recording is mumbled
The patrolman is shaken
Is this good medication?
A convincing commercial
I sat in the bleachers
I can’t find the bedroom
She’s calling her cries from
I push in on one door
Aw hell, it’s the bathroom
Now who’s that in this one?
His hand in his gym shorts
Gellin’ his crosshairs
Laughing with cohorts
The party’s at his place
He knows that she’ll be there
Inside of his teepee
A horse unfamiliar
At that one intersection
On the hill where the headlights
Don’t even peek over
Just appear on your dashboard
Appear in your hallways
Grant the lonely his access
To the Realm of the Daughter
Where affection roams freely
And everyone needs me
I stare at the ice floating ‘round in my Pepsi
I am buying a jet ski
My daughter would love that
I’m calling her captors
To tell ‘em I did that
They were moved and excited
They came out of hiding
But regretfully fessed
That it ended in violence
My garage door’s revealing
My failures completely
My projects abandoned
They stack up so neatly
But in one of those boxes
Is my old walkie talkie
I’d use to invite certain
Friends out to coffee
Like Walter and Cheryl
My daughter’s in peril
The solution too genius,
Too easy, too sterile
And it won’t give me blisters
And although I’ll miss her
I am simply not willing
To tolerate boredom
And won’t drive 20 hours
Just to see her gross shower
And unusable kitchen
Do they actually sit in
That cat-pissy sofa?
The smell of ammonia
Did I clean up the Code Red
She spilled on the bunk bed?
Did that Santa Clause T-shirt
Fare her well in the hallways?
I’ve been trying to meet her
As separate faces
So I go to the grocery
Where the nobodies know me
And I buy her the skin cream
And OREO hair buns
And 3 DVDs we
Picked up for the grandson
That we keep in the mailbox
As .jpeg attachments
Of his recent achievements
And his mother’s in danger
We meet at the harbor
She’s wrapped in a blanket
Some idiot bought her
She’s so anxious at these things
I shout out to calm her
But get shined by a flashlight
By the middle school bomber
That the intercom noted
In a message that’s coded
For the terrified teachers
Was a drill like this scheduled?
No they couldn’t remember
I’m entering old age
And my quest isn’t over
But which quest is the question?
Oh yes right, it’s the daughter
Right, I hear she’s in danger
Man, I bet she fell over
And then busted her forehead
Our new coffee table
Well, I haven’t been back there
Her mother’s expensive
And I needed an outfit
I needed a weapon
But she’s driving a car now
She’s hiding her halos
She doubts that the moonlight’s
As good as the candles
I will light all around her
I will watch her at angles
I’ll ensure her some safety
The duty of fathers

credits

from House Cleaning Music, released June 19, 2020

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